Despite my best intentions

Despite my best intentions of documenting EVERY day of our lives for a year, obviously, it just hasn't happened. I have been totally consumed with a very active 2 year old, a full time job, and of course the joys of marriage and a household to take care of.

Despite been so busy, I have had a lot on my mind and hope that maybe some of you might be able to give me tips or thoughts on how to enrich myself more.

A little background, I was born into a southern Baptist family, when we relocated, we joined a Methodist church at the same time I attended an Episcopalian grade school. During my high school years, I attended a Catholic all-girls school. All I which I loved. And to a point, I thought I was a child of God and fully knew him. I had many religion classes. And was baptized and confirmed while in Junior High. Wasn't that enough to be a child of God? Sadly, this was my thinking. If I prayed here and there and was truly thankful for all of my blessings, that would be enough. How truly wrong I was then.

It has been only after having my own child and desperately needing Him at times to help me thru the crazy times that I found that I hardly felt like I knew Him at all. Maybe he knew that I only called on Him when I needed him, not when I just wanted to know Him. I feel shameful even mentioning all this now because it's something that I have kept to myself for so long, but the desire to know Him has made me realize part of the experience is acknowleding my faults and asking for help. In all honesty, I don't think I have ever read the bible throughly. And definitely not for enjoyment. All that changes now.

So, what have I done? Well, I love my church, Fellowship NWA. It seems so authentic to learn straight from the Bible and, I would be lying if I didn't mention that I LOVE the music too. Music is huge for me and instantly brings out my emotions. Always has. I love going to the services but find that I don't go nearly as much as I want (dare I say NEED) to! I've finally come to the realization that I am the maker of my own future. And if I truly want to be a woman of God that I have to go. For myself and for my child. Even if that means a screaming child when you leave her in the nursery or sitting alone in church.

I joined a bible study at church. A Beth Moore series on Daniel. Even though I loved going and the lessons, I unfortunately didn't finish the class at the church. In part because of a work trip and in part because of my crazy life. It's not an excuse, I realize that, but it is the truth. Although I did find that you can buy the audio series online at iTunes. So I do have faith that I will complete the entire study!! (and not just the second half that we were studying at the church - I missed the first half that was occurring last Fall).

I've read so many websites and books as I can get my hands on about finding God or discovering His plans for you. Some of the books I haven't read yet, but they are there next to my bed. And I have full intentions of reading them all. ;). I'm currently reading an appropriately titled, "Busy Moms's Daily Devotional", as well as "The Love Dare" and "The Power of a Praying Wife". However, I do find that I'm completely overwhelmed though with about the 3 daily devotionals I get via email. But when I don't have time to read them, I save them and although the email folder is growing, I do have faith that I will have time one weekend soon to catch up! Dare I say that maybe Kate will take a lengthy nap and I will forego laundry sometime soon! Anything is possible. :)

I guess the point of this post is to admit that I have sinned. I realize this and fully believe that only He can have power to forgive me of these sins, but I also feel the strong need to include you all, my friends, into what I hope will be a life changing, fun-filled time in my life.


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Lord, I pray that You will continue to instill in me the great desire to know you. To know you through Your word, to know You through every relationship and experience I may come across. I am Your own, please look over me during this amazing and exciting time in my life. Allow my own eyes to open so that I may truly see You. I will be a faithful servant for You through all my days. I pray that You will show me also how to raise Katelynn to also be Your own daughter. May my life be pleasing to You always. Amen.
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I know many of you are further on this road than I am, and I would gladly welcome and tips or suggestions!! I hope in some way you all may understand my deep need to post this, as well as the need for all of your support. Even silent support in the form of prayers.

Best wishes!